Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
