True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
