I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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