You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
