is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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