i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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