Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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