My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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