Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
