Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
