my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
accomplished twins. life is a go
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
