YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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