You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
