Girls should come with a carfax report
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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