Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
