awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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