I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
