I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She is in my trunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
