Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
