i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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