Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
