I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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