Moan for me like Helen Keller
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
