Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
