we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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