Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
