Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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