can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
