Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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