If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
