Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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