I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
