i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
