...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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