i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
