I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize