Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
