I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
