I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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