Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
