: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
