***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
