roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
