So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
