Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
