Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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