getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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