I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
