That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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