last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
