i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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