I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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