But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
