Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
