And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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