I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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