her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
