and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
