Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
