I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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