My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
smell my finger.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
