There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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