Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
