I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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