Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
