this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
