My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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