Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
