and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
