It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
