Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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