The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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