At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
